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The process may also help you discover,

why your dog has been so attracted to your

golf bag.

What I found was astonishing! A mangled,

gnarled and somewhat greenish bologna

sandwich, that my loving wife had packed in

JULY, was emitting smells that nearly made

me swear off bologna for the rest of my life,

and I really like bologna sandwiches. I only

hope that you do not meet with a similar fate.

Removingexcessmudanddirt fromyour clubs

is also advisable

before you head indoors for a

round on St. Andrews or Pebble Beach. With

all of your outdoor hacks, old divots still cling

to your golf club and have probably bonded

with the metal and will require considerable

elbow grease or possibly even a shop grinder

to eradicate.

Be sure to also clean the grooves, you don’t

want to be the guy requested to vacuum the

simulator after your round. Most men run from

the sound of a screaming vacuum cleaner and

we certainly don’t want to make it known that

we actually know how to operate one in front

of our golfing buddies.

Next let’s sort through that pocket


the mishmash of random balls you have

accumulated. You can remove most of them

to lighten the load, you don’t lose too many

balls playing indoors.

I take that back, I actually remember once

witnessing my father lose a ball in a simulator,

a feat that has befuddled the owner of that

establishment to this day. With that I say, I

love you Dad.

Another important reason to clean out that

bag is the removal of the extra bottle of

“medicine” you have stashed in the side

pocket.You must resist the temptation to keep

it. Indoor simulators present a much smaller

atmosphere, than the great outdoors. The

rangers are much closer and always lurking.

There are also state laws for that kind of thing

and you wouldn’t want to have to call your

wife to post bail after a day out with your

lads. Besides, indoor golf facilities that sell

adult beverages, frown upon self-medication

without proper exchange of monies for said


Another timely tip, be sure to tip your waiters

and waitresses too.


throw out any excess.

The simple

practice of “Chinese Fung-Shui” demands an

orderly life, which includes your golf bag. If

you are like me, you have 34 ripped gloves,

642 broken tees, $5.76 in assorted change,

as well as, 27 sliced and smiling golf balls.

(This is a ‘no judgment zone’ so keep your

untoward comments to yourself.)

Finally, and most importantly, during the

indoor golf season, remember these six

words in order to maintain your winsome

personality. As the wagering begins and the

beers are consumed, keep this in mind, no

matter what happens,


I must give credit to B.I.G. T. (Best Indoor

Golfer in Toledo), you know who you are, for

this quote as uttered after watching someone

throw their club into the simulator screen not

once, but


EnjoyWinter Golfers, The Masters is less than

100 days away.

NWO Golf Links