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One of my biggest pet peeves on the golf course is

the guy, you know him, every group has one, that

guy, who cannot help but offer



I am standing on the first tee, with my trusty

weapon of mass destruction (WMD) firmly in my

grasp, happily picturing a beautiful high, soft, fade

that lands at about the 240-yard mark and rolls out

to a respectable 275 yards. I confidently settle into

the address position, take a long backswing and

unleash a violent attack upon that poor helpless

golf ball. The result is far from the high left to right

trajectory I had envisioned. Instead, I have created

a Hellish duck hook.

It was as if the devil himself had possessed the

ball and steered it two fairways astray. As I stand

there shocked and contemplating, what could

have gone wrong with my swing, it happens. From

behind me on the tee box, I hear those words.

Words that make me react like nails scraping

down a chalkboard. Words that cut to the bone.

“What you need to do is this…”

You know immediately how this round is going

unveil and at this point, you have only two options.

The first of these being the more humane,

depending on just how close a personal friend

this guy really is. Even if they are only a casual

acquaintance, you can politely listen, assume a

thoughtful gaze on your face, as if you are really

considering what they are saying, but completely

rip the guy to shreds in your mind.

In most circumstances, you envision a scene from

Mortal Combat, with you holding a weapon so

deadly, you will extinguish this annoyance forever.

If you choose to take this high road and not address


Unsolicited Advice Giver

directly, additional

consequences must be considered. You will be

forced to listen to this person for 17 more holes.

Since I ama rather largemammal and have a better

than average command of the Queen’s English, the

second choice is my personal favorite. This choice

takes careful consideration, as well as, timing, and

must be delivered with a certain air of authority.

The first time you hear those words, the retort must

be clear, concise, and followed quickly with jovial

laughter or the opening of an adult beverage. So

here it is - immediately upon hearing those words,

turn to the person that said them and quote this


“Dude, Shut the Hell UP!”

What you need

to do is this…


Brian Renius

NWO Golf Links