One of my biggest pet peeves on the golf course is
the guy, you know him, every group has one, that
guy, who cannot help but offer
I am standing on the first tee, with my trusty
weapon of mass destruction (WMD) firmly in my
grasp, happily picturing a beautiful high, soft, fade
that lands at about the 240-yard mark and rolls out
to a respectable 275 yards. I confidently settle into
the address position, take a long backswing and
unleash a violent attack upon that poor helpless
golf ball. The result is far from the high left to right
trajectory I had envisioned. Instead, I have created
a Hellish duck hook.
It was as if the devil himself had possessed the
ball and steered it two fairways astray. As I stand
there shocked and contemplating, what could
have gone wrong with my swing, it happens. From
behind me on the tee box, I hear those words.
Words that make me react like nails scraping
down a chalkboard. Words that cut to the bone.
“What you need to do is this…”
You know immediately how this round is going
unveil and at this point, you have only two options.
The first of these being the more humane,
depending on just how close a personal friend
this guy really is. Even if they are only a casual
acquaintance, you can politely listen, assume a
thoughtful gaze on your face, as if you are really
considering what they are saying, but completely
rip the guy to shreds in your mind.
In most circumstances, you envision a scene from
Mortal Combat, with you holding a weapon so
deadly, you will extinguish this annoyance forever.
If you choose to take this high road and not address
Unsolicited Advice Giver
consequences must be considered. You will be
forced to listen to this person for 17 more holes.
Since I ama rather largemammal and have a better
than average command of the Queen’s English, the
second choice is my personal favorite. This choice
takes careful consideration, as well as, timing, and
must be delivered with a certain air of authority.
The first time you hear those words, the retort must
be clear, concise, and followed quickly with jovial
laughter or the opening of an adult beverage. So
here it is - immediately upon hearing those words,
turn to the person that said them and quote this
“Dude, Shut the Hell UP!”
What you need
to do is this…
NWO Golf Links